Butt Stuff Basics - a SHAG Mini-Workshop - PART 1

August 18, 2022

Butt Stuff Basics - a SHAG Mini-Workshop - PART 1

Hosted by Dirty Lola
Watch on IG @weloveshag
YouTube @weloveshag

Welcome to Butt Stuff Basics, a SHAG mini-workshop. I am Dirty Lola, a sex educator and staff member here.

You can think of this as butts 101. We're going to talk about getting in the right mindset, choosing lube, choosing a good toy for a beginner, and cleanliness. We might also have a surprise guest appearance from our nosy mascot, Frankie:

First, I want to create a specific container here today to talk about butt sex. When people think about butt stuff, and as it becomes more and more popular, certain worries come to mind. One primary example that comes up all the time is people wondering if liking butt play changes their sexual orientation in some way, if it means that they are queer or gay, rather than straight or heterosexual. My favorite way to respond is to tell people that liking butt play is about action, not attraction. You're into the sensations you get from butt stuff, because it feels good! It’s something a lot of people enjoy! The novelty of exploring something new can also be exciting. None of that, however, changes who you are attracted to. And you know what? It is totally fine if you are gay or queer, but nothing about liking butt stuff inherently makes you gay. That's just not how sexuality works. There are plenty of gay folks who don't enjoy or participate in penetrative sex, or who don’t enjoy or participate in anything anal.

This might seem obvious, but let’s take a moment to appreciate that everybody has a butt. Everyone can use butt toys! There are going to be some toys that are intended for one specific use or another – for example, there are toy shapes designed specifically to hit a prostate - but that doesn't mean you can't use those toys in a different way, or if you don’t have a prostate. Butt play is generally very accessible in that way. One consideration you will want to make is medical: if you have hemorrhoids, Crohn’s disease, or another butt-related medical condition, you might consider talking to your doctor before playing with a plug, dildo, or even your fingers, to make sure you won’t aggravate your illness.

Let’s start small (a very good place to start)! One of the issues that I've come across in the shop is that people who are very excited about trying butt stuff for the first time will come in and want to pick up our biggest toy. They grab the biggest dildo or the biggest plug off the shelf, and think: yes! I have to break it to you, butt beginners: no. If you have never put anything in your butt, you will do best starting small. You want to give your muscles a chance to adjust to a very new physiological action. Beginning butt play is like beginning butt yoga, because your sphincter is a muscle that is going to stretch and become more elastic than it normally has been in your life thus far.

This brings me to another common butt concern for beginners. People worry about making their anus, their butt hole, too big or stretched out by using plugs, or by going to bigger and bigger plug sizes. I’m here to tell you that your butt does not work like that. When you practice yoga or stretch, your arms and legs don't get any longer, but they do get more flexible and nimble. That's what will happen to your anal sphincter, your butt hole, when you use plugs and anal toys. Your body is elastic, and if you stop playing with the butt toys, your butt will go right back to being tight again. That means that if it’s been a while since you’ve done any butt play, you have to start from the beginning with smaller toys! If you’re someone who has been really into butt stuff and then stopped for a while, it’s not a sign of anything being wrong that you cannot take the big plug again right away. You had to work your way up to that, and if your butt is out of practice, you will need to work your way up to it again. Over time your but muscles will tighten up, just like your other muscles do if you neglect your yoga practice. If you’re a do-over beginner like this, however, you may be able to move a little bit more quickly up in size than a true beginner can, just because of your knowledge and experience. Which is all to say: you will not stretch out your butt during sex. Your butt will go back to being tight when you don’t engage in butt play, and that’s how it’s supposed to work!

Let’s look at some of the small plugs we carry at SHAG. This one is the Star from Blush:

This is the Fuse Arrow:

These two small plugs, in particular, are ones that I always recommend to beginners. These are the best tools for beginning butt stuff! After recommending these great toys comes the moment where I tell butt-curious folks who have never, ever, ever put anything in their butt, and are just maybe on the fence about trying it out, to buy some gloves. We have a lot of gloves at SHAG, including both nitrile and latex ones. Nitrile is a great material if you have allergic reactions or skin sensitivities to typical drug store gloves. The nitrile gloves also come in different sizes, not just “one size fits all.” And, rather than just clinical blue or white – although you might be going for that in a medical scene! - these also come in black, so they look sexy. Once you have some gloves, you or you and your partner can experiment. With a gloved hand and some lube - I’m using my favorite butt lube, Sassy by Sliquid. It’s a medium-weight, water-based lube. - you can start just by massaging the outside of the butt hole. Rub around, get comfortable, and then, you can go just a little bit in the hole to start. You do not have to go all the way in! If this is a partner activity, it might be nice to start with a full body massage instead of immediately focusing on the butt. The massage could lead into some butt stuff, and fingers can press against the hole without going inside.

Sometimes, just touching the butt hole makes someone tense up. Being relaxed is essential for comfortable and safe butt play. So, start slowly, alone or with someone you trust, close your eyes, and just feel the sensation of rubbing without even getting to penetration. Stay outside the butt, get used to feeling the sensations there, because that is not a place you are used to being touched! We do not generally touch our own butt holes. We are taught as kids not to put our hands back there, that it can be dirty, that it’s inappropriate. But when you want to sexually explore your butt, it’s absolutely okay to touch your own butt hole.

Speaking of cleanliness, you do want to make sure your butt is clean before starting butt play or exploration. This will help you relax and keep things safe and sanitary. It’s a great idea to take a shower before butt play. I actually tell folks it's a good idea to empty your bowels. Try to go to the bathroom if you can, and then take a shower. Really get back there with a washcloth and just really give it a good cleaning. You don't have to go inside! If you do want to do some inside cleaning, do not use soap, which will irritate your sensitive tissue there. Internal cleansing is optional, but if you want to do it, you’ll want to get a douche. We sell a great one at SHAG that is reusable. You just fill it with water and then you perform what is called a “shallow douche,” which just means rinsing out your anal canal, but not any further up past your rectum. A shallow douche is going to rinse out any residual biological material hanging out in your butt. That said, keep in mind, poop happens! Everybody poops, and poop happens. When you get more experienced and you're using bigger toys, you might move into using a bigger douche for bigger, deeper, more thorough rinsing. Beginners, however, definitely don't need to do that. Again, douching is optional, so please do not worry if that is something you do not want to do!

Once you’re cleaned up, relaxed, with somebody you trust, doing a massage, getting into it, then that is the time to play with some mild penetration. Start with a little finger, use light strokes, and go in really slowly. In terms of technique and placement, you want to make sure you see the center of the anus and press there. Coming in from the side can be painful or uncomfortable, and you don’t want to accidentally slide right into a bad spot. If you go for the bull’s eye, when you slide in, it’s a really nice spot, and will likely feel really good for the receiver.

Mentally, you’ll want to relax and focus on the task at hand. When you're doing this to yourself or having it done to you, you probably won’t enjoy yourself much if you’re thinking about your manicure or what you look like. Focus on the sensations and what you like about what is happening. “Do I like having the outside touched before going inside? Do I want a little bit deeper or thicker sensations? Would I like another finger? Am I feeling like I want something more?” Thinking about this will not only help you in the moment, but will help you enormously when you’re shopping for toys!

One tip, because you can see my long nails: to comfortably and safely play, but cotton balls in the tips of your gloves to cushion the nail points. If you are not a glove person and prefer going in raw-handed, you do want to make sure you've had a manicure or nail cleaning, that your nails are short, and that you don't have hangnails or anything sharp protruding. The butt is a sensitive area, and you will feel everything, including even the smallest hangnail. You also want to avoid any trauma to the sensitive tissue in the butt. Sharp nails can scratch or pierce, and not only will that be an unpleasant injury, but the incident will make it that much harder for you to relax next time you want to try something with the butt. So, get those nails nice, smooth, and in tip top shape.

**This text was transcribed from SHAG’s live Mini-Workshop on August 18, 2022 and edited for clarity. This opinion piece is not intended to constitute licensed expert advice; all content is for general informational purposes only.**