Dear Dixon,
I have a problem that wouldn't seem like a problem to some people. Most of my relationships are so sexual, that once we start being intimate we spend so much time relating that way, that I feel we lose touch on a platonic level. After a while I feel like all I'm good for is sex, and that it's all they care about.
I wish the answer could be as easy as stop having sex for a while, but I also enjoy it very much and I'm scared that if I held out, I'd seem like I'm pulling out of the relationship and end up making it worse. How can I know if a woman likes me for me, and not for how I make her feel in private?
Not Chopped Liver
Liver,
What this question screams out is COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE and I'll say it one more time: COMMUNICATE! Have you ever expressed any of these concerns to your partners? Have you said exactly: "I would like to spend some time with you just hanging out, going out to eat, watching a movie or going out with our friends."? If you are wondering if she likes you and why, you should ask, "What do you like about me?" or "Why do you want to be with me?". Asking these questions is a great exercise anyway - often times we don't think about the answers until something has gone wrong in the relationship.
If you are feeling that the relationship is too sexual, there is absolutely no harm in pulling back from sex a bit. Maybe one night you just want to snuggle and talk instead of just having sex. If your partner likes you, they won't mind! In fact they might even enjoy it as well!
In addition, I was recently told by a wise woman that what you put out into the world is what you get back, and I completely agree -- especially when it comes to relationships. Therefore, I would encourage you to reflect within yourself as to why you keep attracting this same type of relationship. Maybe at this time in your life that is simply the type of relationship you want? Or maybe something else is holding you back from connecting on a more emotional level with your partners?
There is no magical formula to tell if a person likes you and why they do or do not. But with simple communication and personal reflection, you can get to where you want to be within a relationship. Hope it helps!
Dixon
Ask Dixon your sexy questions for Shag Brooklyn's Dear Dixon advice column! E-mail your questions about sexual relations, kink, health and relationships to deardixon@live.com, and she will answer them as best she can!
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