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Dear Dixon: We Can't Have Sex!
posted by: admin on May 19 2010, 11:46 AM
Dear Dixon,
I love my partner. She is really sexy and a great lover. But there's one little kink, she has vaginismus and it makes sex pretty impossible...
Initially, I thought it wasn't a big deal, but it's hard to feel so close to someone without being able to feel that closeness when your body becomes one entity.
She is willing to do anal, but I have some reservations about it. I mean, I’ve done it before, and I liked it, but it still kind of weirds me out. Do you have any suggestions of how to make this work?
Sincerely,
Frustrated in the City
Dear Frustrated,
Vaginismus is a condition that causes the vagina to contract, and makes vaginal penetrative sex either impossible or very painful. Quite often it is a psychological condition caused by past sexual trauma, though it can also be caused by anatomical anomalies.
There are a lot of treatments for vaginismus that have a high success rate. If the condition is psychological in nature, then most often the treatment would be psychological as well. Other techniques include exercises to help those suffering from this disorder learn how to relax their pubococcygeal muscles as well as training the muscles using vaginal dilators in graduated sizes. I would definitely suggest that your girl see a sex therapist or talk about some possibilities with her gynecologist. However, in the meantime, there are lots of things you guys can do to keep yourselves occupied!
Anal sex seems like an obvious second choice when vaginal sex is not possible. However, the butt often makes people feel uncomfortable. I would encourage you to try it though, as it will offer you a similar level of intimacy to vaginal sex. Some other things you can try are 69, which is great since you are both pleasuring each other at the same time. The downside is you can’t see each other’s faces. Whatever you do, I would just focus on the intimacy of the act, and focus on enjoying it. Lots of caressing and sensual touching will add intimacy to any sexual encounter.
As with any partner, the most important thing will be communication. You might have to try a lot of different things before you find what works best for both of you to feel that level of intimacy. People with this disorder often already have anxiety about sex so it will also be important for you to be encouraging and patient!
<3 Dixon
Ask Dixon your sexy questions for Shag Brooklyn's Dear Dixon advice column! E-mail your questions about sexual relations, kink, health and relationships to deardixon@live.com, and she will answer them as best she can!
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