Dear Dixon,

I'll start from the top on this one. I'm gay, 21 years old, and in decent health. I've repeatedly had issues with getting it up with my partners. I've gotten my hormones checked, blood sugar, all that jazz - nothing is wrong with me and everything seems to check out, but for some reason it just doesn't work for me. There were a handful of occasions were I've gotten hard for people. My first boyfriend I never had a problem. The first guy I hooked up with I had no issue (this was maybe 3 years ago). Since then its been spotty with more cases of impotence than actually getting erect. Then last summer I had a one night stand that I got it up for; but the people I actually get hard for I have no interest in! The main reason why I'm writing you is because recently I have started dating someone that I seriously like, and everything is going well except for the sex. I can't get it up. I've talked about it with him, to try to take some pressure off myself. I try to relax my mind, but nothing seems to work. Even when I masturbate I can't keep it up sometimes. I just feel pathetic. What can i do to change my mentality? I don't want a cock ring. I just wanna fuck my man.

Always,
-Ed

In my opinion, one reason this can occur is fear of the erectile dysfuntion happening. It happens once, and then you become afraid of it happening again. Instead of focusing on the pleasure of sexual activities, you come to see it as a task that must be completed. You focus so much on trying to become aroused, trying to maintain an erection, and trying to come that you may forget to try and actually enjoy it!

1. You can try just fooling around with your partner and not having sex, or not participating in any activity that will lead to either of you coming. Just focus on enjoying sensations - how good it feels to kiss, caress and be with someone you are into. Instead of focusing on the act as if it were a task or a job, this may help you come (no pun intended!) to see it as fun and sexy, and help to ease the fear and worry that you may associate with sexual activity out of your mind.

2. One of my favorite sex advice writers, Dan and Jennifer from www.askdanandjennifer.com, often suggest a 30 day sex detox. I take this to mean no masturbation, no sexual activity, don't even look at porn for 30 days. This can kind of reset your mojo, and you may feel ready and raring to go towards the end of it.

3. Another thing I would really suggest is seeing an actual therapist. If your problem is psychological and not physical, then a true professional can help you shed light on what is really going on with your stress levels, and help you overcome this problem over time.

<3

Dixon